Can You Say Fauxward?
by slytherinslut13
Summary: Well, can you? Severus Snape can... well, he can now, at least. A silly one-shot in Severus' first real challenge as a teacher and Head of House.


Professor Severus T. Snape was not what one would call 'empathetic'. He prided himself on being unflappable, and was renowned for being able to find and break up and sort of romantic tryst that should happen during the night.

However, this night was a tad different. It was almost the end of his shift, and he was quite looking forward to a relaxing hot shower and cup of tea before bed. He had broken up four pairs of snogging students, taking forty points from Gryffindor, twenty from Hufflepuff, ten from Ravenclaw, and, regrettably, ten from Slytherin as well. In fact, it was so close to the end of his shift that he was mere yards from his door when he heard the unmistakable sounds of a young girl crying. He sighed, and lit his wand, looking for the source of the noise. There was a small pile of girl in an alcove, so he walked over to it. The girl looked up, and Severus identified the red eyes and pale face of one Esmeralda Heoppe, the lone Slytherin third year girl.

"Oh, hello Professor." She hiccupped, sniffing.

Severus sighed again, looking at his options and quickly deciding. "Hello, Miss Heoppe. Would you like to come into my office to discuss this?"

The third year sniffed once more and nodded miserably before following the Potions master into his office.

Severus fixed Esmeralda and himself a cup of tea. He waited for the girl to compose herself further before starting his questioning.

"So, why were you weeping outside my rooms at…" he checked the clock. "…Midnight?"

"I'm sorry, Professor Snape." She said, wiping her nose on her sleeve. "But…" A few tears trickled down her face. "I woke up a few hours ago with really bad belly cramps."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Why didn't you go to Madam Pompfrey?"

"Well, I went to bathroom because I thought the cramps meant I had to throw up or something, but when I-I g-g-got t-there I n-notic-c-ced…" She started crying again. Severus looked at her and took a Calming Potion out of his desk and put a few drops in her tea.

"Drink your tea, Miss Heoppe." He told her, and she automatically obeyed the voice of a professor. As she drank, she stopped crying and eventually set it down. "Now, continue with your story."

Esmeralda nodded. "Well, as I said, I went to the bathroom, and I noticed that there was something sticky on my legs. So, naturally, I looked down, and there was blood on my legs." The calming draught was working perfectly; there wasn't a tear in sight. "So I tried to find where the blood was coming from, and… well, it was coming from… there."

Severus blushed a dull red. "Miss Heoppe, I believe you live with your father?"

"Yes, Mother died." Esmeralda said.

"And, do you have any female cousins, or Aunts, or grandmothers?" Severus inquired hopefully.

"No. Mother and Father were both only children, and Mothers parents died with her, and Father's grandmother died of Dragon Pox a few years ago." Esmeralda's eyes filled with tears. The calming draught was wearing off. "What's happening to me?"

"Miss Heoppe, you are experiencing menstruation." (The author would currently like to point out that Severus was currently living his worst nightmare.)

"What's that?"

"Why don't we go to Madam Pompfrey?" Severus stood up.

"Why won't you answer my question?" Esmeralda, a Slytherin to the core, fired back.

"Because… it is best answered by a woman." Severus hedged. Esmeralda didn't move, and Severus sighed, realizing that he would have to do this. "Menstruation is a woman's body's way of telling her that it is ready to have children. If a woman does have…" he cleared his throat uncomfortably. "… Intercourse…"

Esmeralda interrupted him. "What does intercourse mean?"

"…Sexual relations." Severus clarified. Esmeralda continued to stare at him blankly. "Sex?"

"Oh." Esmeralda was blushing now, too.

"Anyway, if …it… happens at the correct time, a woman will become pregnant. However, if the woman does not become pregnant, the… thing that helps make the baby will… well, die. This will result in blood coming out of… there." Severus waved a hand in the general region of her lower body.

"Oh." There was silence in the dungeons. "May we go to Madam Pompfrey now, sir?" she said timidly.


End file.
